| no |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|10:27 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | friends | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | gv | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | transplants/clutch/sublime | ] |
So i realized that most of my friends do not wear the uniform of friends youd think i'd have. I mean, i have learned the retardedness of stereotyping people. Good and bad people come in so many colors, flavours and languages that it's overwhelming.
My best best friends, youd never geuss by looking. And I don't care. only gives me more reasons to beat down racists and people quick to judge. My pier group is like my mind. Smart, refreshing, random as fuck, origional, and appears to make no sense. But when all comes together it's quite profound, and massive, and respectable, and bigger than you. So take that punk bitches. (and by that I mean all the people I hate. Pack a lunch bitches.)Sorry, I'm feeling spry today. |
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| days |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|09:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
so i missed a couple days. in more ways than one. my insomniac side has been tormenting me. and i hadnt slept in 2 days. so on thursday i self medicate with sleeping pills. didnt work. got angry. got alcohol. drank. fucked up, but not sleepy. another pill. another six pack. i assume cuz i cant remember. i can not account for substantial periods of time. i somehow pissed of my neighbors i think. not really sure. i woke about 3 pm the next day. confused, and undressed in bed. i dont know.
I think i poisoned myself though. felt like creeping death for past few days. and my leg muscles are sore, and i don't know why. did i run? what the fuck? i just wanted to sleep. funny thing insomnia. sleeping pills get me high, but the sleepy part isnt there.+alcohol but still no actuall sleep.= strange confusing blackout.
I will not do that again. i want to sleep some. but whoa damn. i scared myself this time. if i woke up in jail? it's possible. i can be a bit spry when fucked up. or just stupid. not sure. no blood on my hands though, ha ha ....errr. yeah. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|08:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NOFX | ] |
so i met this rad little dude who works at the market down the way. hes 15. from India, and speaks English more appropiately and more eloquently than i ever will. He emails me alot of spammish chain letter kinda stuff. and some stuff HE writes disguised as normal jibberish. the stuff he write is a little twistes though. so he sent me this, and i thought it was cool. i don;t know that he wrote it. but considering he's fifteen, i thought it was cool. when he grows up, he's gonna be in my crew. for sure....
Jul 5, 2006 8:35 PM
Subject: love and time
Body: Love and Time
Once upon a time, there was an island where all the
feelings lived:
Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others,
including Love.
One day it was announced to the feelings that the
island would sink,
so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.
Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold
out until the
last possible moment.
When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask
for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love
said,
"Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of
gold and silver in
my boat. There is no place here for you."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in
a beautiful
vessel. "Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might
damage my boat,"
Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me
go with you."
"Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by
myself!"
Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy
that she did not
even hear when Love called her.
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take
you." It was an
elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to
ask the elder
where they were going. When they arrived at dry land,
the elder went
her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,
Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered,
"Because only Time is
capable of understanding how valuable Love is." |
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| yeah. today is my friday. |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|07:01 pm] |
So what to do. i have a beer and zero ambition. my job is bizzaare. we have a new guy. his first week. hes been working in shops for 25 yrs. He said this is the weirdest place hed ever worked at. some things were bothering him. all those things are what i like. theres people there. i enjoy the solitude. i do my own thing my way, and i get results. i get shit done. i move fucking weight. nobody qeustions my fucked up organazation, or the scattered ping pong way i work. which is how i think. i talk to superior, maybe...once every couple months. if i wasnt doing good, theyed talk to me more, im thinking. new guy wonders why we don't have team huddles, and ask me why i do what i do. i'm like, 'i do my job well, so you can do yours. don't worry, my shit is always taken care of. that's all you need to know dude, now shut the fuck up and do your thing. and i aint gonna ask you how you did it, cuz i don't give a fuck. just get it done, and leave me alone.' am i anti-social? im really not aarogant or conceided, but re-reading this it sure seems like it. damn. im an asshole. all you whove told me that for years are right i geuss. but i think theres a time to talk about feelings, and theres a time to makes shit happen. now. we make shit happen. after work we have a coke, and talk about feelings. no? i dunno. i don't have a personal relationship with my work. it's numbers and scheduling, and deadlines, and results=money. thats the language of the bosses, and how i speak to them. i step on peoples toes, im sure. it's never personal. its the job im getting done. im gonna start my own mafia. then, they will all understand! little fishes. |
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| i require sleep. oh cruel goddess of rest. |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|12:37 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | insomnia | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | insomnia again | ] |
| [ | music |
| | seether | ] |
I need to be a bit off.
To make it work. To not go soft.
I need to be downside up.
Or else it gets all fucked up.
If its good and it works, I'll be too complacent.
If it's ugly or broke, I'll fix it in my basement.
Don't think you know me. What I need, and should get.
A cactus and birdfeeder will just collect dust till I forget.
Thank you, but if it's all the same,
I have better things to test my aim.
depression, obsession, and acts of aggression.
through darks streets i strive.
sting of the bite keeps me alive.
I'm backwards and broken, and that's what I know.
I'm shifty and twitchy, and don't know where to go.
I dream grand thoughts I always forget.
I have great plans I'll probably regret.
I walk sideways through life....don't know how to fix that yet. |
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| Yes. for once. |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|12:34 am] |
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i was right. today was better than yesterday. work was as usuall. later i saw some fam up from las vegas. christina and her two daughters. they are rad. just real people. and fun. i wanna go down to see them, just to see them...ya know? they remind me how plain vanilla bland this damn town realy is. anways...i go and sleep now. |
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| no |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|09:58 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | failed haiku | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  it's today again? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sublime | ] |
Couldn\'t get the motivation to get off my bed-couch untill about noon today.
Today is a bad day for me. Hopefully not as bad next year. I mean, happy 4th and barbeque and red white and blue...err.
So I tried to write a haiku today after 3 cups of coffee. I have a friend who can.
write. not coffee. I ended up with a page of babble and nonsense. Seems I am outsmarted by complicated simplicity again. So i stayed in. and slept. and drank 2 beers. later i will try to sleep again, im thinking it wont work so good. oh well. another day baby. another day.
heres the haiku attemp, followed by crap and nothingness. fowl language follows. you have been warned.
55555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555
when night falls on us
the cold blanket of darkness
warm sleep i will trust.
while my dick collects dust,
over your mom i do lust,
in whom you do trust,
shes sees you off to the bus,
tells you not to swear and cuss,
i soiled her bust.
fuck. my mind wanders.
ok. that sucks. random. worthless.
restrictions...say it with conviction
syllable-actic words in my mind,
structure i cant find,
toungue tied at times.
keeps me confined.
.
here we go again.
easy to do it
id love to write a haiku
just shut up and haiku it!
free verse and rhymes,
limmericks at times.
sonnet, ballad, and prose.
gets me all the fine hoes.
Cinquain in the membrane.
Ok, so i can't write a haiku for shit.
55555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555
yeah. so that sums today up pretty well.
Tommorow. It will be better than today. I convince myself. |
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| july |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|08:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | RRRRRR! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Guano Apes | ] |
it would have been 5 yrs ago today. i had my first date with a girl. that i gave many faithfull years of my life. i am pretending it doesnt bother me. i am a man and im not bothereed. i dont't notice what today is. i am too busy not caring to notice anything. yep. i am not bothered. i am calling out to strangers cuz i can. not for understanding and support, and wit and retort. I prove I don't care, i didn't notice your hair. Later I give my report. Jase don't care. |
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| Fuck. Diarhea of my mind. |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|08:52 pm] |
Archeology.
And what it means to me.
My mind is an Egyptian treasure.
Weigh it out and dig, measure for measure.
Take a picture. piece for piece.
We'll review it at my lecture.
You keep diggin and you aint found shit.
The deeper you dig, the older it gets.
You'll find out later, cent for cent,
A different project is probley time better spent.
Your quest for truth, and completion of projects.
Your personal mission, and followers and rejects.
You dig and grind, and you seek and you toil.
The answers that you seek cant be found under soil.
You dig and you hope, and your optimistic talk.
Bring your best locksmith, and he aint pickin this lock.
This chest is a tomb, and a safe, and a vault.
Everyone told you. Filled with sand and salt.
So when your day comes, and the ribbon is cut.
You'll pull back the curtain and hush your friends,
And they'll look in cold silence at what?
Yes. You wasted our time again.
Decaying monuments, and monoliths of sand.
Empty tombs, and caves, and deserted land.
Your expectations, ready for so much.
Just out of reach, and out of your touch.
Now that you made this labyrinth your home,
You found what you sought, and you should have left it alone. |
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